“That’s the scary part, you know. That after four years you could end up getting hurt or killed. No one wants to see that happen. Well…I can’t say that no one does as I can’t speak for everyone. But I know your mother and your sister don’t want anything to happen to you either. And despite everything you’ve done to me? I don’t want anything bad to happen to you either. So, no matter what you say people are going worry about you. But, again, if you’re happy and this is what you want to do? Then that’s what matters. It’s not selfish to want something for yourself. It’s not selfish to want to be able to say you’ve done something with your life. Just know people are going to worry about you. They’re going to worry about you a whole lot.” She wasn’t trying to guilt him or anything because she wasn’t trying to make him change his mind. She just wanted him to realize people were going to worry about him. As long as he knew that she was good.
“Sometimes being human means being hurt. It sucks and it’s not fair but it’s true. And trust me, you’d have real friends if you were just…Noah. Noah is a good person. Noah’s fun and caring. People would like Noah if you just let them see him. People would love Noah. They did back then. They would now. You just have to have more faith in Noah, that’s all. Noah was always a great person. I wish you have more faith in him. And I won’t say that it wasn’t a big deal because…it sort of was but it doesn’t mean I don’t forgive you. I understand you were upset.” She watched him when he talked about the cake and smiled just a little bit. “Sometimes I think it would be nice to be a kid again. Minus a few…unpleasant memories. Back when we were kids at least things seemed simpler. They weren’t great but they were pretty simple.” She pouted dramatically when he mentioned what happened to the dinosaur. “Poor Rex. He was a big part of our childhood, too.” Taking the bottle back from him she took a sip. “I don’t know why I still talk to you. I just do. I can’t explain it. By all rights I shouldn’t with the way you treat me most of the time. But for some reason I just keep on talking to you. Guess I’m just a glutton for punishment that way.” Holding the bottle back out to him she tried to think of another question. “Why do you act like you hate me half of the time and then turn around and act really nice to me?”
“Yeah, you’re right. It’ll be scary but it’s something I want. It hurts my mom and Sarah. And well, I have no clue how it makes you feel. I don’t like that. I don’t want any of you to worry about me. You shouldn’t have to. Out of anyone I would never expect you to actually care. But that’s why you’re a better person than me. Even after everything I’ve done to you, you still care.” He gave her a slight smile as he looked over to her. It was totally the booze talking, at least that’s what he kept telling himself. Honestly, he wasn’t really affected by what he had to drink so that was just some dumb excuse so he didn’t have to come to terms with how much it actually meant to him that Rachel cared. And how bad it made him feel that everyone was going to end up worrying about him constantly. That’s the last thing he wanted, yet that’s exactly what he signed himself up for.
“Are you sure about that? I’m not. I’m not sure that people would like Noah at all. Not the way they liked Puck at least. It’d be totally different, but maybe that’s what I need. Something different. To be some different, yet be myself all at the same time.” It was easier being Puck than it was being Noah. Noah was the kid who got hit by his father, who got told he meant nothing. Who only had Rachel. But Puck was the popular guy. He was the guy that other guys wanted to be, he was the guy who people liked, who girls liked. Except in being Puck he pushed Rachel away, which was something he never wanted to do. “They were simple.” He laughed a little when she mentioned Rex again. “I’d outgrow him eventually; she just helped the process along.” He nodded slightly at her answer, unsure of what to make out of the entire thing. He didn’t comment on it, he wasn’t sure there was anything he could say. “Because I don’t hate you. I actually like you. I always have. I just…I just thought that being popular would be worth it in the end, even though it wasn’t. I wasn’t truly happy, but I just thought maybe if I kept fucking people over then one day I’d get happy. It was stupid.” He took the bottle back and took his sips, thinking of a question. “Dirtiest dream?”
It’s nothing.
Alright.
Yeah, well….
What?
Only sometimes….
Like constantly though. For so damn long.
Well, you don’t have to thank me. But you’re welcome regardless.
I know I don’t. But still, I don’t deserve it. I’m being awful to you.
I just…well, I know more about the situation than she does and it just…doesn’t sit right with me, you know? It’s not fair. And I guess…because I was there I’m feeling defensive for you.
Yeah. If the situation was reversed I’d be defensive of you, even if you don’t think that I would be. I really mean it when I say thanks.
Except it isn’t, but whatever. If you bothered to know, you’d know. But nobody cares about the Prom Queen because she is just that. The shallow girl who was perfect in high school. The only reason I played perfect was because I needed something to hold on to. I needed someone to care, but that back fired as well. I’m done here.
When do any of us know shit about each other? For the most part no one knows anything about what the other’s lives are really like. I couldn’t tell you shit about you, Sam, Brittany, or Santana. And none of you can tell me shit about me. None of us bothered to learn shit. We just thought it would be easier if we fucked up everyone else’s lives. So don’t try and make me feel bad for not knowing shit about your life, because you know nothing about mine. Shit’s a two way street.
I’m not joking when I say he is what I have, Puck. It’s not funny to me.
I’m not trying to sit here and be funny. Just whatever. You go ahead and think that your life is worse than everyone else’s like you always do, when even you have problems, it’s still pretty damn good.
Am I not supposed to defend you in my own way?
You can defend me all you, and really, thank you. I’m just saying she’s not going to change her mind about what she thinks. But thanks, Rach.
I did not say you didn’t have problems. I asked you not to make mine something insignificant. Big difference.
It’s. A. Dog. Not exactly like someone is out there murdering you or some shit.
